Category: Parenting

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BR 233: Non violent communication by Marshall Rosenberg

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Comments: Simple, profound, life changing. Someone I know describes this as “algebra” for communication – a must read for anyone who communicates (i.e. all of us). I think that’s a great description. Putting this book to action will be my top focus in 2019.

Top 3 Lessons:

  1. Keeping observation and evaluation separate in our thinking and communication is one of the hardest things to do. There’s a time to observe and a time to evaluate – almost never a good idea to do both at the same time.Words like always and never communicate evaluation. Communicating observations can be powerful.
  2. I feel is often misused when we use it so say things we think. “I feel I’ve been mistreated” or I feel misunderstood or I feel you..
  3. We don’t know how to communicate needs. :) empathic listening is all about listening to feelings and needs.
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BR 218: Mindset by Carol Dweck

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Comments: This is a seminal work. The concept underlying this is the same as in Marilee Adams’ book – Change Your Questions, Change Your Life. However, this makes the case for a growth mindset by adding a ton of well researched examples and a lot of scientific rigor.

Mindset is central to how we approach things. And, we always have a choice between fixed mindsets and growth mindsets.

The belief that people/adults cannot change wreaks a lot of havoc in the world. Here’s hoping more folks read this book.

Top 3 Learnings:

1. Companies are better off reminding manager’s about Growth mindset first before doing any kind of training.

2. The best environments combine challenge and nurture. They involve high standards in an environment of trust.

3. Praise children for effort, not ability. When a child does something fast and perfect, Carol says – “sorry that was so easy and a waste of your time.”

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BR 199: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

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Comments: I rarely re-read books but decided to re-read this during my end-of-year break as I’ve come to appreciate how wise this book is. It delivered, again. I’d spent most of my first reading in the first half/personal victories portion of the book. This time, I spent more time in the public victories. So much to learn, do and build.

Top 3 Learnings:
1. To know and not to do is not to learn. Beautifully drove home the point that I haven’t “learned” nearly as much I say I have.

2. Seek to understand and then to be understood. In the spirit of knowing and not doing, this has become an important part of “engagement” theme this year. I am still too impatient too often.

3. Seeking win-win requires a combination of courage and consideration.

Stephen Covey’s masterpiece is so good that it makes the “Read ASAP” list twice. :)

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BR 194: The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp

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Comments: The Happiest Baby on the Block is an all star parenting book/video. The list of parents who recommend this is very long. And, we were very thankful for Dr Harvey Karp. We just bought the 45 minute video and that worked great. I would posit that the video is probably better than the book as it is better to see what he says in action.

It had a transformational effect on me. I had never held babies before ours was born and was generally a bit nervous around them. But, his framework gave me so much confidence and served us extremely well in the first week as we were getting a hang of handling a baby.

Top 3 learnings:

1. Human babies come out less developed than animal babies due to the relative large size of our head. So, the first 2-3 months is, effectively, a fourth trimester. We must learn to view and treat our baby as a foetus.

2. A natural next step is to understand what calms a foetus. Dr Karp suggests that all babies have a “calming” reflex. And, this reflex is triggered when it feels it is still in mom’s stomach.

3. Hence, the 5 S’ – swaddle, shush, swing, side, and suck. Together and in combination, these work to help calm babies.

(Note: You can’t replace the 5S’ for a feed, of course. But, you can help calm your baby. And, that makes a huge difference in the first week.)

Book notes here.

PS: Parenting notes here.

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BR 187: The Expectant Father by Armin Brott and Jennifer Ash

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expectant father, armin brott, jennifer ash

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Comments: If you are enroute to becoming a dad, I would highly recommend this book. It strikes the balance between man-language and science very nicely and strikes a really good tone. The first parts are all about understanding what your partner is going through during pregnancy. The second half brings a lot of checklists – while I haven’t tested them out yet, I found them useful. I also think the understanding of all the medical procedures involved puts you more at ease when you visit the doctor as an expectant father.

Top 3 Learnings:

1. The expectant father’s most important role is being of help to the expectant mother. As the month’s progress, your partner’s discomfort will increase with time. Do your best to make sure she eats healthy, exercises and feels supported.

2. Understand all the procedures and tests so you can help her make decisions. At the end of the day, the decisions will be led by your partner until delivery. Know what they all entail, provide good counsel and be supportive.

3. Plan for the birth and time after birth. You will need to plan financially (leave some extra buffer) and also have a home, furniture, etc., that will be ready for the baby. Refer the book’s checklists when that happens.

Book notes here.