2. BUY it! · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Relationships

BR 138: His Needs Her Needs by William F Harley Jr

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Category: 2 – BUY it! (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: The only reason this book is not on the “Read ASAP” list is because it isn’t applicable to everyone. If you are married or due to get married soon, I’d suggest reading it. For best results, I’d suggest reading it with your partner.

My wife and I read this on our honeymoon and it’s served as a great way to start our journey as husband and wife. William F Harley completely “gets” marriages having been a successful counsellor for many decades. He does what great authors do – puts together a framework to help you think about what makes great marriages truly great. Fantastic book.

Top 3 Learnings

1. We all require our relationships to meet a collection of emotional needs. Some are much more important than others and men and women typically give importance to diametrically opposite needs. For example, top needs for women are affection, honesty and openness, intimate conversation, and financial support while top needs for men are sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, physical attractiveness, etc.

2. Great marriages thrive when the needs of the spouse are consciously or unconsciously identified and met. When not met, the disgruntled spouse typically resorts to an affair which meets the need.

3. It’s okay to be “obvious” in trying to meet your partner’s needs. In fact, the obviousness works very well. For example, in the chapter on affection, we saw an example of “affection habits” that a wife wanted in her husband. So, the husband literally put together a list and began working on it every day till it became sub conscious. We are testing it out too and it seems to work really well.

Overall, superb book. We’re very glad we read it and we’re looking forward to “living” it.

Add on Mar 16, 2016: We did live the book. And, it has worked great for us. We still joke about some of the anecdotes from the book and talk about our needs (from the exercise in the book).

3. SHELF it · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Relationships

BR 137: Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage by Mark Gungor

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Category: 3 – SHELF it (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: I read this book for 2 reasons – because I’m getting married and because I loved Gungor’s famous YouTube video on men’s and women’s brains. The book was okay – very good in parts and pretty okay for the most part.

Gungor is occasionally scientific and structured but for the most part it centers around his observations as a pastor. I also think it didn’t help that he wrote this for Christians. There were way too many bible, Jesus references for a non Christian.

Top 3 Learnings:

1. Boxed in (watch Mark Gungor’s famous nothing box video on YouTube for this section). Men’s brains are like boxes – they are dealt with one at a time and DO NOT TOUCH. And a man’s favorite box is the nothing box… Given a choice, we love the nothing box and hence, love staring into the ceiling.

This is contrast to a woman’s brain which is like a bunch of wires and is typically thinking of many things at once.

2. Communication. When men communicate, they say what they mean and mean what they say. Women, on the other hand, are masters of nuance. Words are just one part of communication. So, in a women case, what is said matters less than how it is said.
The way to get past this is to implement the Covey principle of understanding – seek to understand before seeking to be understood.

3. What men want: Respect – unconditional respect. Men don’t want to earn respect on performance. They want it because of who they are. They don’t want criticism or women to change them – they want to be loved as they are. But just because men aren’t resistant to improvement doesn’t mean they can’t be improved, a women’s effect on a man’s maturity, cleanliness, etc is always massive. Strong women make a huge difference to a man’s life. A touch of fear of the wife has also found to be good in strong marriages. :-)

What women want – women want to be picked. They want to know that you would choose them above all else – your tv show, your outing with the lads, etc. the more you

Book notes

2. BUY it! · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Creativity · Entrepreneurship · Self Improvement

BR 136: The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

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Category: 2 – BUY it! (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: SO inspiring.

Top 3 Learnings:

1. The “resistance” is the most toxic force on the planet. It’s an internal force of nature that thwarts us every time we try to move from a lower to higher place – when we want to start a new venture, work on a piece of art, or embark on an education of any kind. We move forward when we learn how to fight our resistance.
2. Art is the most noble thing we can set out to do. An artist believes the best lies ahead and constantly works on imagining and creating this future and thus taking the human race forward. This is opposite to the fundamentalist who tries to destroy to take us back to the basics as it is his belief that the best existed in the past.
3. Being an artist is all about behaving like a pro. That involves showing up every day, working on your art relentlessly, listening to feedback, ignoring critics, not taking failure personally, and exhibiting humility and patience.
It’s very hard to just talk about 3 things that I learnt from this book. It is so inspirational.. and Steven Pressfield is such an accomplished writer that attempting to say it in anything but his own words doesn’t do it justice.

Book notes

3. SHELF it · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Money

BR 135: The Millionaire Teacher by Andrew Hallam

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Category: 3 – SHELF it (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: Really good book. This book was recommended to me by one of my favorite authors William J Bernstein when I asked him for Singapore specific investment advice.

A must-read for folks living outside the US looking for solid money and investment advice.

Top 3 Learnings:

1. Live like a millionaire. Millionaires wear cheap watches, buy second hand cars, and live in the suburbs. Real millionaires live frugally and invest wisely.
2. Compound interest is the most important mathematical concept you need to know. The earlier you start investing, the better it is for you as compound interest will take over. Invest in simple plain vanilla index funds (same as Bernstein’s advice.. the value add here is clear steps for folks living in Canada, UK, Australia, and Singapore) and remember that financial service firms are out to eat into your money. Actively managed mutual funds are a no-no.
3. Every generation is gripped by irrational financial madness at some points (the tech bubble being an example). When you see a market behaving irrationally, be fearful. The relationship between the value of a stock and it’s earning is similar to a dog on a leash with it’s master. One can be far ahead of the other for only a short while.

Click here for book notes from the book

2. BUY it! · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Money

BR 134: I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi

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Category: 2 – BUY it! (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: Ramit’s book is very US centric but many of the principles hold true wherever you are. I think this book is worth reading because he explains very basic personal money management concepts very well. I liked his no-bullshit approach and his simple-yet-good advice.

Top 3 Learnings:

1. Don’t buy the Dave Ramsey advice of “cancel all your credit cards.” If you are sane about using your credit cards, improving your credit score and credit history can save you 1000s of dollars in terms of better interest rates over a lifetime.

2. The following ratios off your paycheck are healthy –
50-60% Fixed costs – rent, utilities, debts, transport, normal food, health
10% Investment
10% Savings for upcoming expenses vacation, gifts for friends and family
20-30% Guilt free spending

3. Conscious spending is key. Spend on great experiences and never regret.

Book notes.

1. Read ASAP! · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Sales

BR 133: To Sell is Human by Daniel H Pink

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Category: 1 – Read ASAP! (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: Shaped how I think about selling. I’ve been a fan of Dan Pink’s approach of presenting well researched trends with a nice framework and “so what’s”   – ‘A Whole New Mind’ and ‘Drive’ did it well. “To Sell is Human” nails it.

Top 3 Learnings: Selling has moved from the old ABC (Always Be Closing) to the new ABC of Attunement, Buoyancy, and Clarity.

1. Attunement: This section is all about empathy, connection, and most importantly, asking great questions. The main trend here is that we have moved from information asymmetry between buyers and sellers to information symmetry. Buyers now have all the information that sellers have and don’t need sales people in the traditional sense. They need folks who will help them solve their problems.

2. Buoyancy: Recent research points to the important of having a healthy ratio of positive:negative thoughts but not approaching everything by just pumping yourself up. In fact, research shows that interrogative self talk (i.e. asking yourself – can I do it?) works much better.

It also involves learning optimism (Martin Seligman style) and making sure we aren’t knocked out by rejection.

3. Clarity: Clarity of purpose and making it personal are critical. Many many experiments show that an appeal to a deep, intrinsic purpose moves people.

1. Read ASAP! · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · History · Money

BR 132: The Ascent of Money by Niall Ferguson

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Category: 1 – Read ASAP! (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: This is the sort of history book I enjoy. Hot on the heels of “A Splendid Exchange” and “Guns, Germs, and Steel,” this book is fantastic for those interested in understanding the story behind the financial infrastructure that exists today. Given the increasing spotlight on financial instruments (thanks largely to their failure), this is compulsory reading for anyone interested in understanding the real “infrastructure” of our development.

Top 3 learnings:

1. The world would NOT be a better place without our financial evolution. Credit and debit are critical to the growth of economies, businesses, and are the foundation to economic progress. Finance has underlined the big shifts in our societies. For example, the era of colonialism (or the first attempt at globalization) was only made possible by financial innovation – the dutch VOC was the first “public” company with a swath of public shareholders. The British emulated the Dutch and did it better.

2. War is the mother of all things. War was the real reason behind financial innovation. The concept of the bond market was created to fund wars between Italian states, the stock market was invented for better success in colonial wars.. and finance also played it’s part by being the real cause for wartime success and failure. The British triumph against Napoleon and the defeat of the south in  the American civil wars were determined more by financial causes than any other.

3. Credit is critical for growth. The biggest benefit of the modern day financial system is that a larger proportion of the population are able to escape the clutches of loan sharks who charge interest rates upto 11 million percent and thus keep the poor poor.

Book notes here

1. Read ASAP! · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Career · Leadership · Philosophy · Self Improvement

BR 131: How will you measure your life? by Clayton Christensen

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Category: 1 – Read ASAP! (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: I wish I had gotten to this book sooner. Clayton Christensen has such a thorough and clear thought process that reading this book is like embarking on an interesting intellectual journey with him.

This book is all about “how” to think rather than “what” to do. It has inspired some immediate changes in my life and I’m sure will continue to do so.

I loved it. I’m sure I’ll be sharing stories from the book for a long long time.

Top 3 learnings:

1. Be careful about viewing indiscretions in terms of marginal cost i.e. maybe I’ll do it just this time. You might think you are making allowance for an extenuating circumstance but life is just a series of extenuating circumstances. No athlete starts out with doping in mind.. it happens one bad decision after another. We can’t commit to 99% of an idea. It’s 100% or nothing.

2. Don’t look products as something people buy. Look at them as things people rent to get a job done. Ikea doesn’t win because it has the most amazing furniture. It wins because people hire Ikea for a quick, painless, cost effective way of re-decorating a home.

Similarly, great relationships involve asking yourself – why would my partner hire a husband/wife in this situation? This way, we focus on empathizing with what the other person wants rather than giving them what we think they should want.

3. Be careful about outsourcing your capabilities – Capability = Resources (what) + processes (how) + priorities (why). Dell began outsourcing small parts of manufacturing to Asus.. and 16 years later, Asus was manufacturing the whole computer. Asus soon started it’s own line of computers and Dell could do nothing since it had outsources it’s capabilities.

It’s important to think of this in terms of our kids. If our kids are constantly raised by someone else and learn processes and priorities from someone else, whose kids are they?

Add on Mar 16, 2016: This book changed my life. Up there with Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits.

2. BUY it! · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Money

BR 130: The Investors Manifesto by William J Bernstein

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Category: 2 – BUY it! (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: William Bernstein deals with the very basics of investing and dispels some commonly held myths. An excellent book. May not interest everyone but if you are interested in understanding personal finance and investing, it’s a great book.

Top 3 learnings:

1. You don’t invest to get rich, you invest so as to not die poor. Great investments are not risky investments that produce prolific returns. They produce steady returns and avoid worst case scenarios. Of course, you cannot get great returns without great risk.

2. Understanding financial history is critical for a good investor. Long term capital management’s famous failure was because their equation did not take financial history into account.

3. You are your worst enemy. You cannot time the market. Don’t try. And don’t look for patterns in the financial markets. There are none.

—

A collection of other conclusions I put together – if it interests you

A pre condition to being a successful investor is a firm grasp of financial history

– High returns can only be achieved with high risk

– losing money in a bear market is a part of being investor

– study and understand the Gordon equation to calculate real returns

– whenever you buy or sell an individual stock or bond, you are competing against the best in the world

– Stocks: a growth company stock generally pays out less than a collection of bad company stocks

– primary decision as investor is overall mix of stocks and bonds. Diversify diversify.

– focus on the portfolio. Do not pay too much attention to best/worst. They change.

– You are your worst enemy. You cannot time the market. Don’t try.

– Don’t look for patterns in the financial markets. There are none.

– Stock brokers are out to fleece you. It’s the nature of the business

– Mutual funds aren’t different unless they are owned by stakeholders/ are private

– Live as modestly as you can and save as you can for as long as you can

– The best gift to your heirs is not cold hard cash. Rather its the ability to save, spend wisely and invest prudently

– Remember pascal wager – goal of investing is not to get rich but to not die poor

– index fund – consistent 8/10. It will never hit 10/10 but it won’t be a 1/10 either. Returns are proportional to risk…..

– Pro Tip – House: Whenever you go to a realtor, find out what the house rents at and multiply by 150. If you are charged above that, you are paying too much.

3. SHELF it · Book Review Actions · Book Reviews · Career

BR 129: The Start-up of You by Reid Hoffman and Ben Casnocha

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Category: 3 – SHELF it (All Categories are 1 – Read ASAP!, 2 – BUY it!, 3 – SHELF it, 4 – SOMEDAY it)

Comments: Good career book and potentially useful for those reading career books for the first time.

Top 3 Learnings:

1. Follow your passion is bad advice. The biggest reason for following your passion being irrelevant advice in this day and age is that your passion could be for an industry that might not exist in 10 years. The rate at which industries are being disrupted means that, even if it does manage to survive the next ten years, it’s unlikely it’s going to be anywhere as lucrative or attractive as it is now.

2. Who you know is what you know. Reid and Ben argue that the network is truest fastest source of information.When you look at it that way, having a deep network in the field you’d like to be in is critical because news will likely reach you much faster than via conventional sources.
The use for this is with all sorts of career moves of course. You get to hear of job openings before they exist, and so on.

3. Beware keeping optoins open. We’re often told to keep options open but Reid cautions against it. Making a decision may reduce your options in the short run but increases your options in the long run.

There’s never a right time. Even if you make a wrong decision, you can make another decision to correct it.